Just a little quote before we get started:  "There are a lot of fish in the sea but sometimes you might not be ready to put your ROD in". Ya know, for those coming off a breakup...

Anyways now our tried and tested guide to breaking up sex. I mean love...

BEFORE THE BREAKUP

The breakup is all about time and place.  Any type of holiday or birthday is a dirty move. Use the same precaution as a fire drill.  Know you're exits. Run fast after the match is lit.

AFTER THE BREAKUP

1. Get rid of her shit - all of it.  Clothes and annoying stuff she has left over etc. Make sure you get back your cherished T-Shirt and copy of Anchorman. Some prefer the burning method but as long as it's gone, I see no reason for polluting. The honorable thing is to give it back or drop it off on the doorstep to avoid contact.

2. Delete all electronic communication.  Drunk texting and emailing can make you a creep or put you back in a relationship.

3. Find a hobby.  Sure drinking will do for a while but you're liver can only been abused so long. Perhaps start a website about nothing...cough, cough.

4. The only way you're going to really get over someone is to either get in a relationship or run through a dozen hood rats.  They both work pretty decent.

5.  Sometimes after a breakup you will idolize a person like someone who has just died.  You forget all about the shitty things that person may have done and only remember the good things.  Sit back for a second and realize that person may not be the person you think they are. Think Michael Jackson style.  He went from pedophile to God in death.