THE RULES - If You Wouldn`t Eat Soup Out Of Her Ass Then You`re Not A Fan Of Soup - University Comedy

 So last weekend, I went over to Grease Central after being woken up from by one of the guys from my 5pm - 9pm naps.

Half asleep, and being a trooper, I got dressed and quickly got in my car hoping to be able to reach the liquor store before they closed.  I got my liquor and raced to the guys place.  Hoping to (but doubting) make a navy Halloween party.

When I got there a couple of the guys were drinking beer watching the hockey game, so I started drinking.

At 11 I realized that there was only 4 of us drinking, and I was the only one even close to be going out.  Butterknife greased us by opting out of the night's adventures, and blueberry told us he wasn't going out if we were going to go downtown to drink as he wanted to go to the campus bar.

Finally after much deliberation, and a deal breaker coin toss, destiny pointed the three of us downtown.

We piled into a cab and decided in the car that we were going to go to the Ol' Dublin Pub. I don't like going there because the ratio of old men with mustaches to our age group. Just feels weird when your competition at a bar could be your uncle.

Prior to going out I told my "NOT GIRLFRIEND" that I was going to the navy party and that she couldn't come because it was invite only.  Needless to say I forgot that she has a life too, and upon grabbing drinks and robbing some dancers of their table who comes walking in but the "NON GIRLFRIEND".  My stomach dropped.  No new pussy for sandpaper tonight. The guys however were laughing their asses off when she was spotted and greased me by yelling at her to come over.

As she sits down beside me and we exchange "Hellos" I decided i needed to give her a sign of "I'm not excited that you're here" so I start building a tower with my half full glass of double rye and ginger. I set my wallet on the table making a triangle resting my glass on top of that.  Running out of building material I start placing straws and whatever i could find over top of the glass.  Mutt wants in on my building project and puts a napkin on everything. The two slopes of the wallet were strategically placed to if the glass was to fall, it wouldn't fall on me. It would go to the NON GF, or Mutt.  It happened to the latter.  The glass tipped over and rushed toward Mutt's crotch.  Not even his bladder could have pissed that much.  It looked like while he was pissing himself blueberry and myself were pissing on him too.

Anyway back to the story.  The NON GF's friends had begun leaving, but you know who decided to stick around.  Great. Once the bar closed we went and got much needed chinese food, then hailed a cab to take the 4 of us now back to grease corner.

Once we pulled up.  And the two guys piled out of the car.  I turned over to my NON GF, and knowing that if I wanted some this would be the last chance tonight so I asked if there was room in her bed for one more. She kinda chuckled to herself and said "Yes".  So i slammed the back door to the cab getting Mutt and blueberry's attention.  They turned around and not knowing whether I could laugh, or say anything, I flipped them off as the cab started to drive away.

Upon reaching her room, I began to quickly take off my clothes to jump into her bed. I got down to my boxers where I reached a fork in the road.

"Do I take them off myself to speed things up?" I thought to myself "Or do I leave them on, so she can do it"

"Fuck it" I thought and began to pull them down.

Once they were at my knees she asks a mind blowing question. "Do you think we'll end up being boyfriend and girlfriend"

I paused, my boxers at my knees. With a look on my face that must have been screaming "OH FUCK"

After an awkward 5 seconds of silence, I continued to remove my boxers. "Uhhhhhh.....maybe?" I said outloud when inside my head at the same time I was thinking "NOPE now get over here so I can masterbate with your vagina"

She seemed ok with my answer for the time being, and assumed the position of fetal position, while I went to work.

The next morning I for some reason woke up early. She was up too, but to save myself from un needed convo, I pretended to sleep for about an hour and a half.

It was then that she got up and started her day, that I got up too. I needed a drive back to the guys place.