THE RULES - If You Wouldn`t Eat Soup Out Of Her Ass Then You`re Not A Fan Of Soup - University Comedy

It was the summer before going into grade 12 and we decided on the last minute for a trip to Maine. Four of us took an old 91 dodge spirit down to those ununited states of america.  We were young and went down there alone to stay at a cottage near a sweet beach. One of our friends who I will call "Shamoo" to protect his identity and dignity, got sunburned the first day there. 

The man turned bright red from the UV scorching earning him the name  "Lester the Lobster", from PEI.

Now this may sound mean or greasy but we the paid little kids go up and slap him on his burnt back , because he couldn’t hit them whereas he could hit us if we did it... and it was... hilarious. 

PURPLE BARNEY

We then decide to go boogie boarding after about three hours of back slapping (proper thing).  Shamoo was the only one without a wetsuite.  The water was freezing to put it mildly.  When he  came back into the cottage his red burnt body turned bright purple.  In the process of changing out of his wetsuit he  flashed us.   Crying from laughter ensured at how small "it " was.  Not only was the man  PURPLE because of the affect the cold water had on his red skin, but he had a dimple where his penis should have been.

PORN SMUGGLING

Along the way in the states we had picked up a porno.  Of course, it was a long ride!  I think it was going to be a bday gift for a friend.  Anyways on the way home we hit a US boarder agent.  The guy doesn’t find the beer or the other shit (we were well underage in the states) , but pulls out a porno. Who's bag is this?  “It's my bag... but its Shamoos magazine” someone shouts out.   As Shamoo was the oldest and had in fact purchased the nudy mag.

Come with me he says.  So the guy takes Shamoo to an interrogation room.  It was a room that was made of glass and we could see him.  We start laughing our asses off as we can watch him squirm.  Apparently there was some type of child porn AD in the magazine! Can't take that stuff accross the border I guess.  Raunchy magazine, although in all fairness it was just a Hustler magazine. Finally the guy lets Shamoo go after scaring the shit out of him. 

Apparently if we would have been entering the US and not Canada he’d be in jail. 

The border guy gives him the magazine back.  Shamoo tries to  throws it into the garbage as I’m yelling no.  It’s a long drive home you prick...  Which we convinced Shamoo to drive the whole way home because we kept calling him gay because he had yet to do anything with his gf. Awwww the good old greasing days.

And that is how Barney The Purple Porn Smuggler nickname was born.